So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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