Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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