People in love make me want to vomit
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My vagina just recognized that song.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
