well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
