ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
