He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
