And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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