I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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