There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You may now shotgun with the bride
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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