doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
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New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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