im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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