Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
