nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
