The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
