my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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