um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
