i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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