Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
vagina is talking i cant
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
