So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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