it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
