Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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