I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
