i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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