shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
