in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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