she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
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Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
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You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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