You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
