I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
