I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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