my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
