whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
