Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
