Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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