the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
