i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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