If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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