omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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