Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
