i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
