You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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