She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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