I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
