He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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