How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
