Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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