I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
