Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
