I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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