so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
