fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
