so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am full of burrito and curiosity
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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