We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My ass is underappreciated
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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