When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
