I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
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girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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