The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
