scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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