Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
