It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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