they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
