You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
