Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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