There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
