oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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