watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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