Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
