I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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