Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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