Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I would fuck him just for his dog
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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