dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
