Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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