I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
