I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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