So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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