I showed him my bush... on skype.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
