do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
