Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
