things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
