Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
