just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dear god my vagina.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
