I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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