to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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