im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
