Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
