is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We are two peas in an std pod
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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