well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
