I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
