So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize