Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
